Monthly Archives: April 2014

Anybody For ‘Dukhi Pati’ Sangh?

Nowadays we see hundreds of NGOs who claim to be working for some or the other cause like uplifting the downtrodden, providing food and shelter for the poor, caring for the children of commercial sex workers and fighting against harassment of all kinds of atrocities against women.

Now another never heard before kind of NGO has surfaced which calls itself, Akhil Bharatiya Patni Atyachar Viridhi Sangh runby a Mr Dashrath Devda in Ahmedabad, Gujarat. Mr Devda, I believe goes from door to door trying to find out if the husbands are harassed. And don’t laugh….atleast 600 + husband have accepted that they are harassed by their wives. Dashrath Devda is contesting from Ahmedabad east for a Loksabha seat and what is he promising the people of Ahmedabad if he gets elected? He’s assuring the dukhi patis some relief in the form of a law which would protect them from their bully wives. His argument is – when we have so many laws protecting the women, why not have some for men too?  According to him, women are not the only aggrieved lot but men too are suffering. So, he says, like women have section 498 (A) of the Indian Penal Code for their protection against domestic violence, he’ll fight to bring in section 498 (B) to protect men from patni atyachar, totally in favour of the husbands.

When we read about this news for the first time our immediate response is to laugh 🙂 But give it a little thought and we are bound to agree that there are quite a few dominating women in real life like Lalita Pawar and Bindu  of Hindi movies and Ramadevi from  Kannada movies. Harassment need not be in the form of hitting and manhandling but could be mental torture like it happens with most men. I don’t think any woman will try to manhandle her partner given the fact that men are physically stronger than women. So in most cases it would be mental torture in the form of constant nagging, taunting,  comparing with others etc. apart from the many more reasons probably I am not aware of.

I’ve seen a number of women making it very clear as to who’s the boss of the house in the way they deal with their husbands or the way they talk about them while in a group of people, be it relatives or colleagues.  They taunt them on some pretext or the other saying words to the effect of ‘good for nothing’. Many have the habit of constantly comparing ‘ghar ka murga’ with x,y or z and wailing in self pity that they are the unfortunate ones. One of my relatives makes her husband do most of the household chores while she makes excuse of diabetes and leg pain to keep sitting. This husband is not any lallu-panju but a central government officer who retired at a senior level.  But the poor thing is laughed at by the relatives and called ‘henpecked’. I really don’t know the history of this word, but it’s a widely accepted name for hapless kind of husbands. I feel there’s nothing wrong if a husband shares the burden of domestic work  and helps his wife. But it should not be a one sided affair as it happens in most of the cases-be it the husband or the wife.

I’ve also come across some women who take the credit, whole and sole, for any good thing happening in the family. They go to the extent of saying that if they weren’t there, their husbands would be lost, the kind of ‘good for nothings’ they are!! But I really wonder, why should a husband or wife be afraid of each other?  Unless and until men and women learn to respect each other and understand that a happy family can exist only when there’s mutual respect, trust and love between the two of them, such things will continue to exist.  If there’s love and understanding, is there any  need to have a atyachar virodhi sangh either for the pati  or the patni??
By the way, one last word. I’ve not told my husband about this dukhi pati sangh because I’m worried that he might just go and become a member, if he comes to know about it. Kiske mann mein kya hai, who knows? 🙂 🙂 



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The joy of living in government quarters

My childhood was spent in government quarters as my father was an engineer in Karnataka Power Corporation Ltd and he used to get posted to places where there was a need to build power houses in hydro electric power projects. So he had postings in various places within Karnataka and each posting used to be for about four years minimum, not like army postings- packing every two years, sometimes even before that. Most of the places used to be small and we lived in our own small colonies and in spacious quarters with huge space all around the house.

Huge garden space

Huge garden space

After my marriage I once again got the opportunity to live in colonies and government quarters- houses for Defence services maintained(?) by MES.  People who live in quarters keep cribbing all the time about this and that. It’s obvious because frankly speaking, these quarters belong to nobody. So the maintenance part leaves a lot to be desired.  Every now and then we have people coming in and going out of the house- plumbers, electricians etc because somewhere a flush is not working or a switch not functional or may be, the most common thing in all government quarters, seepage. The residents of the house keep changing every two-three years and everybody who lives there does his bit to sort out the problems to the best of his ability and tries to improve the look of the house and the garden.  But given the fact that the work has to be done by the MES one can understand what’ll be the outcome of all the trouble. But still, people try to keep it as good as possible. That aside, living in government houses is fun because the houses are spacious and some places have huge bungalows as quarters. The area around the house  would be so much you can get your children married there.  Whoever occupies the house tries to add his own touch to make the house and garden better than how he got it. As a result the house becomes a comfortable place and the garden, marvelous. Our own house that we are living in, from past two years, has huge space all around the house and there are a lot of trees like mango, tamarind, Indian goose berry (amla), guava, custard apple, jamun and ber, drumsticks, jackfruit, papaya apart from ashoka, peepal, neem and night queen and many others whose name I’m not aware of. If we want to buy a house of this size in civil with such a huge garden, I think it would cost us in crores ! Owing to the existence of so many trees a lot of variety of birds like sparrows, mynas, cuckoos, parrots, owls and others are seen flying around. Add to it the squirrels, butterflies, monkeys and snakes! Though the presence of snakes is terrifying, rest of the creatures are lovely, cute and funny. There’s so much of cuteness in the way a squirrel eats holding something in it’s (both) hands. A big salute to the intelligence of monkeys who know exactly when are the vegetables and fruits available and where. If one thinks of plucking the vegetables or fruits a day later, one may not get to eat it because the monkeys would somehow know and arrive at the right time.  They eat some and throw some and you have to just watch them doing all these things because you can’t go near them 🙂 I for one, never feel bad if the monkeys empty my garden because I don’t know why but I really love their mischievous behaviour. It’s so amusing to see them swinging on the tree branches, hopping from one tree to the other or the way they cuddle their babies n pick lice from their heads 🙂 They are the most bindas and mast-maula living things that I have ever seen, totally carefree. IMG-20140428-WA0002 After years of staying in such quarters, in beautiful surroundings with so much of greenery around, I wonder how would it be to live in an apartment in what we call the concrete jungle. As husband’s retirement is hardly a year and three months away, I’m actually dreading the life after and I’ve no doubt that I’m going to miss all this beauty around me, but then do I have a choice? 🙂 IMG-20140428-WA0007


Filed under Musings of an AOW